Monday, June 28, 2010

1st call with K!

Here's more of a breakdown of the awkward phone call with K and her mom. It was actually Mom that called us instead of K. It wasn't until our conversation was over that we realized K did try to call, but she didn't let the phone ring long enough for us to hear it. I tested the 800# as soon as we got it. I realized it would ring at a fake place before forwarding to my cell. It rings FOREVER to the person trying to call. K didn't know it would take forever for the call to actually come through my cell.

I started out the conversation by saying how thankful we are for her choosing us and how happy she has made us. I asked her what it was like living in the dorms (at the agency). Her response made us laugh. She said, "It's OK. It's just a bunch of pregnant girls living together."  I don't remember much else except for the hard questions she started asking us. She asked me if I planned to be a SAHM. I let her know that I would love to, but financially that was not a possibility. We did let her know that Brandt would be a part-time SAHD, and we hoped to find a neighbor or trusted person to keep the baby on the other days. We let K know that B's mom has offered to come down two-three days a week if needed to keep the baby until we could find someone. We assured her we were not sending the baby to daycare until the baby was as least two -  to begin learning social skills.

Her next toughie was, "How do you plan to introduce me at our annual visits?" I already had my answer thank goodness b/c that is a hard question for an adoptive family to answer if one doesn't already know! She was concerned b/c some adoptive families of the other girls in the dorms were going to call their birth moms Aunt X or CousinX or family friend. When we were at the agency in Oct, I found a book on an end table called The Tummy Mummy. I read it and was in tears by the end. I knew that's what I wanted to call our birth mom - Tummy Mummy. I told K and Mom about the book and how we wanted to call K - Miss K. They both really liked that. It seemed like everyone was getting teary-eyed on the phone. Maybe that's when K felt a connection with us. I did too, but I didn't know if one little HUGE answer would be the deciding point.

Mom was trying to ask B about his birth parents, but she didn't really know how to ask or what to ask. Basically, she wanted to know how B felt towards his birth parents. He told her it was 30 years ago and a different kind of adoption. He said he doesn't hate his birth parents but doesn't feel the need to go and find them either. He told her his real parents were his (adoptive) parents. He doesn't see is adoptive parents as adoptive parents. They are his real family and real parents. I thought K and Mom might have been turned off by his answer, but we weren't going to sugar-coat anything. K either accepts us or she doesn't. Luckily, it wasn't an issue. Mom was just curious or maybe she was asking for K. Who knows?

I ended the conversation by letting K know again how much joy and love she has brought into our hearts and how thankful we were again. I let K know we wanted to talk to her again soon as well as meet in person. Everyone agreed that was a great idea.


  1. Hi there, new reader here! I'm so glad your first call went well! That's such a great sign and I bet it feels great to have the anxiety reduced now! :) I look forward to following your journey!

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  3. Exciting News! I would be interested in learning a bit more about how you connected with someone out-of-state as well as a agency with dorms (as our agency does not lend any sort of living/financial assitance to the birthmothers). When you get a chance, would you mind sharing some of that information with me?

  4. Wow... How exciting!

    Ooooh, and I just found the book on amazon! Thanks for sharing!

  5. Hello, and thank you for the comment! Well... in our state, relinquishment can be signed even prior to birth, but even so, there is a ten-day period starting at birth during which a birth mother can change her mind.

    EXCEPT... both of our disrupted adoptions fell under the Indian Child Welfare Act. In these cases, the birth mother cannot sign relinquishment until the baby is at least ten days old and it must happen in front of a judge. Then, she still has the ten-day period to change her mind. :(

  6. Wow, this is so exciting! I love that you will call her "Miss K," my daughters call a lot of women they are close to Miss ___. Are you going to tell us your daughter's name? I see on the timeline that you've chosen one!