Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Infertility

This journey began August 2007 when I finally convinced my hubby to start a family. I was 26 and he was 27. We figured it would be no problem, because no other women in my close family have had any fertility issues. Of course, this was not the case for us.

One of the worst things that happened to us was getting a false-positive on a pregnancy blood test. I had already taken 5 at-home tests that said no, but I was experiencing a few symptoms of pregnancy. A friend convinced me to seek a blood test to be sure. We got the news it was positive and began telling everyone!! We were so excited and thrilled. I scheduled my 9-week ultrasound and thought I was all set. I went shopping with my mom and childhood best friend to shop for maternity clothes. The best friend was about 3 months pregnant at this time. We thought we would experience motherhood together.

My 9-week appt finally came around (Oct 07) and by this time I had taken 7 pregnancy tests - all of which were still saying no. By this time, I felt more like I was going through menopause than pregnancy. The doc told me that it was very unlikely that I was pregnant. He was right. We did the ultrasound and were completely crushed. The doctor left the room so we could have a moment alone. I sobbed and sobbed. We were given the option to be on Clomid but that 1% chance of triplets scared the ba-Jesus out of us. We opted to just keep trying on our own.

My cycles were so random and spread apart. I was buying pregnancy tests out the ying-yang and getting no where. I would get really upset for a week or two then finally return to myself. People keep saying, "It will happen when you quit trying." How the hell do you quit thinking about it and quit trying??? Not possible!!

Another year passes with no success and no more periods. I had my last period Aug 08. By Jan 09 my hot flashes and night sweats were so bad that I could bear them no more. Had some blood work done and then wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am I'm diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure - and recently found a new doc that calls it Premature Ovarian Inefficiency. They both suck and sound horrible! Basically, I have no more eggs and will never be able to get pregnant using my own eggs. I find all of this out while I'm on my conference period by phone! The doc didn't even have the decency to call me into his office with my husband to share the news. When my 4th period class came in, I had to put on a "happy" face for them. They all knew I had been crying and knew something was wrong. I couldn't exactly share my new-found infertility issue with 14 year-olds and expect them to be able to relate or understand. They were very sweet though. I had a great support team in my husband, family and friends waiting at home.

A very close and dear friend (and her mom) convinced me to see an herbalist. He's worked miracles in women who were told they couldn't get pregnant. I went for 3 months spent a few thousand $ but had no success. More frustration and more sadness. A dizzy and winding road to have a bit of happiness and completeness.

2 comments:

  1. I can really relate...no one else in my family has infertility issues either.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ps...how did you get the fish at the bottom of your blog?

    ReplyDelete